BIG THINGS ARE HAPPENING: EDUCATION ENDING AND THE NIGHT I COULDN’T GET DRUNK.

30th MAY, T-3 HOURS TIL THE SHOW,

our cosy college apartment

woke early. slow rising. skin and body care. music playing. playing around with blue eyeshadow looks. fun colours. wiped it off.

escaped to the sitting room. makeup and mirrors covering the floor. music blasting. bleaching eyebrows. sharing makeup. stressing and excited for the day to come.

[Redacted’ s] big day. graduation day. showcasing [Redacted’ s]  piece to the public for the first time. More on that to come. Stood in nothing but my underwear as [Redacted 2]  texted me. The tie I asked her to make for today finally finished. A tie inspired by [Redacted’ s] work, the scribbles of it all. Threw a snuggie on and ran to her apartment. Her new apartment. Sixty-four Zoo Lane apartment. Despite the fact that [Redacted 2] had only woken up half an hour ago, she was set and ready to go. Staring at me, who had been up for hours, stood before her in only a blue snuggie that wasn’t appropriate for the heat.
Ran back to my cosy college apartment. Stripped out of my snuggie. Got into my blue tights and black mini dress. You know the one, backless with a bow in the back, perfectly tied by [Redacted 3].

[Redacted] stepped out. With her long, bright dress. You don’t know the one because I am a gatekeeper in this life, and this public domain is not ready for the beauty that is [Redacted]. Funky socks with the blue heels, matching the bag. The type of dress that has pockets and makes you want to get shotgun married to whoever is wearing it. Or in this case, manifest that [Redacted 4]  and [Redacted]  get shotgun married. Realised that blue mascara makes my eyelashes feel heavier. Realised it’s worth it every time.

Worried for [Redacted] the entire walk to the showcase. Exhibition. Ending of education. Starting of life. Some 174-year-old building. Turns out you should test the heels you’re going to wear on your big day. [Redacted 5]  held [Redacted’ s] arm to ensure she wouldn’t fall. Made it in one piece.

SOME 174-YEAR-OLD BUILDING
BUILDING BUILT ON HORRID HISTORY, BUILDING BEAUTIFUL CREATIVE’S FUTURES
13:00- (roughly maybe) 16:00

Art exhibits are fun when you aren’t an artist. Not stressing about putting up business cards, networking, awards and trying to sell. Free wine throughout the entire event. Every floor [Redacted 5] and I went through had a stand of free wine. Sat on the steps outside with [Redacted 5]. Got free ice cream from the van parked up: bubble gum syrup, creature of habit. Heat getting to everyone. Told [Redacted 5] what type of dinosaur they’d be. Can’t tell you because I believe the type of dinosaur someone would be is a key piece of information to their character. Once again, I am a gatekeeper. Keep my friends locked away in my chest; my ribs act as their keepers. Keeping everything away from them while keeping them safe and warm. My friends sometimes, especially in these moments when I can see all their creative talents in person, jump up and down on my diaphragm. Making my breath stop or quicken.

Every piece in that building was insane. Bit back a smile every time someone was at [Redacted’ s] piece. Wandered across the exhibit with [Redacted 5] while [Redacted] was a busy woman and [Redacted 3] was off drinking Prosecco. Watched a tear-jerking short film in an LED red room with [Redacted 5]. The main actress’s yellow dress outside next to a coffee table featuring props from the film.
Explored the paint students’ rooms. [Redacted 5] and I pointed out and picked which ones we would buy if we had money. If I were an art student, I’d like to be a painting student.
Strolled into the print students’ room, found a display including the artist’s diary. Stood and read a stranger’s diary. Recognising the pubs and streets they were mentioning. Getting too immersed as I began to read the names of people I know. The artist writing about sharing a cigarette with my old neighbour and going to the café with a girl I had a small ‘lecture hall crush’ on in first year, because of all her cool jewellery and style. Bought a copy of the diary.

Went back out to the steps. Met up with everyone. Re-joining. Watched [Redacted 3] hand out [Redacted’ s] business cards to anyone walking by. Still shocked by how similar [Redacted] and her sister look. Found out [Redacted 6] was back from Greece. [Redacted 5] and I headed back to our cosy college apartment to see her. Had [Redacted 5] help me with my pizza because I had the wrong settings on. Listened to [Redacted 6] talk, grateful I could hear her voice in the same room as me again.  Feeling feelings too big for my friends recently, swallowing them all bit by bit. Laid around the cosy college apartment for a while. Read some of the diary as [Redacted 5], [Redacted 6], and Homer (there are too many redacted already) played video games. Texted The Boy that he should join us once he was finished with the films. Missed him terribly, dear diary, don’t tell him that though.


NIGHT BEGINS
pub after pub, then back to the pub, you understand, don’t you?

Started off at the local. Broke my shoe a few steps from our cosy college apartment’s door. Kept holding onto [Redacted 5] as I struggled to fix it. Got into the local. Straight to the smoking area. Reunited with everyone from earlier. Didn’t stay long. The local was dead. Dead as a dodo. Ordered a tequila rosé shot and immediately left. Every art student in the city was at the other pub. Call it the Advertisement pub.


ADVERTISEMENT PUB

Gaggle of us walked through the city streets trying to find our way to the Advertisement. Some saying straight, others pulling out Google maps for a city we all live in. [Redacted 3] told me Berlin was easier to navigate compared to this college city of ours. Made our way to the Advertisement eventually. Ran into just about everyone.

Got in the door, tried to convince [Redacted 7’s] sister that [Redacted 5] and I are twins, and it was our birthday. Answered a series of questions at the exact same time. If it were a stranger, they would’ve believed us. Sometimes I think [Redacted 5], and I can read each other’s minds, more on that later. She gave us a cigarette each as our birthday candles. Gave mine to [Redacted 5] in the smoking area because my mother would bury me alive if I smoked. Sometimes I think of the cotton experience they showed us in primary school, watching the pure white cotton turn yellow in a matter of seconds.

Ran into [Redacted 7] briefly. Miss her dearly. [Redacted 5] and I walked around the rest of the night with lipstick-stained cheeks. [Redacted 7] has the most adorable habit of kissing people goodbye on their foreheads and cheeks.

Switched between the smoking area and the dance floor. Met just about everyone. Tried to leave early, got stopped by [Redacted]. Thankfully, ended up having so much fun. Got in a stall with [Redacted 5]  and [Redacted]. Danced with [Redacted 8], my favourite person to dance with. Hugged by [Redacted] as she told [Redacted 5] and me how she loves us. Tried not to cry on her shoulder. Sometimes it hits heavy how much time I’ve known [Redacted 5] and [Redacted]. Sits somewhere in my throat as I watch them grow. Don’t cry. Okay. Was going to be all cute and nostalgic, but I can already feel tears threatening to spill as I picture them. My sweeties. Moving on (for my sake).

The dance floor downstairs was lit by LED red lights decorating the room. Music blasting. Drinks spilling. Turned to [Redacted 5], “I’m so glad we didn’t go home”. Spent time talking to strangers in the girls’ bathroom.
Pub closing. Found myself sat on another pair of steps with [Redacted 5]. Took off my broken shoes to let my feet breathe. Sore feet from dancing too much. Tried to hide from the rain by sharing [Redacted 5’s] jacket over our heads. Pub staff gave us an umbrella to borrow. Gaggle gathered by the steps. Returned to the local pub.

LAST CALL: COMFORT OF THE LOCAL

??-2;06

Walked behind the group with [Redacted 5]  and [Redacted]. Same steps. The local wasn’t letting anyone else in, but [Redacted’s]  sister got us in. Straight to the smoking area, of course.Kept chatting. Less dancing. Actually, no dancing. Told [Redacted 5] I wished we could speak another language like [Redacted] and her sister. We already do, we have our own language. Didn’t realise it until [Redacted 5] said. A language or mind-reading. I’m still trying to test it out. Stood at the bar telling [Redacted 5] how I wish The Boy was here, and I love him. Crazy to say. Even crazier to feel so genuinely.
Decided around two to leave with [Redacted]. Got an Uber to our cosy college apartment. Came home. [Redacted 4] and her brother were in our kitchen. Our kitchen because [Redacted 4] and [Redacted] moved in earlier this week. New Roommates. New Beginnings. Said goodnight to them before heading to my room. skin care. getting unready. passed out asleep as the tiredness dragged my bones down. you understand.