January is the longest month, and this has been the longest day of my life.
Swore to myself that I wouldn’t write another entry in this state because all of my entries seem to be surrounded by vodka, hangovers and my friends. Feeling fragile, brushing the knots out of my wet hair as all the words I wanted to write just came flooding in. Scribbled some sentences on the closest piece of paper to me, and ended up with a full entry. This entry wrote itself, well, that’s what I’m telling myself anyway.
5 AM, woke. Exactly five on the dot, as I immediately checked my phone as soon as my eyes opened. Didn’t even realise I had fallen asleep. A fluffy white blanket that I don’t remember having tucked me into the couch. Conjectured that it must have been [Redacted] who left the blanket on me, felt love and care spread throughout my body, heating my inners, from naval to nape. Maybe it wasn’t even [Redacted]. Maybe I always had it, wouldn’t be the most shocking thing in the world. I’ve bad habit of not sleeping fully comfortably without a blanket. Despite the warmth of love flooding through my blood, prayed silently that it wasn’t [Redacted] who tucked me in, another bad habit of mine - drooling in my sleep. Didn’t want [Redacted] to see that, but I suppose if anyone has seen me in all states of life, [Redacted] would be one of them. Confessed things I probably shouldn’t have in the early hours of the evening, before our night began.
Sauntered down the hall into my bedroom, somehow forcing myself to do skin care and set alarms for work that morning. Slept like a baby, which is a phrase I don’t really understand, considering how poorly babies sleep. Regardless, woke five minutes before work. Genealogy is a weird thing. Spending hours upon hours researching your own surname in preparation to showcase to an audience is weird. Focus on you. Some sort of showboat, exhibitionist kind of thing.
Ventured out into town, being very brave. Spent hours with [Redacted] and [Redacted 2]. Overfed myself with cheap, fast food while my insides felt as though they would burst. Retired to our cosy college apartment, watched Father Ted for the first time, expecting a sort of Fleabag scenario. Wasn”t disappointed. Felt myself drift off on the same couch I had woken on at 5 AM, while Father Dougal McGuire lulled me to a brief sleep. Threw a blanket over [Redacted]. Unsure if they were truly asleep or not, prayed that they could feel my care for them. I should watch more Father Ted.
Had an online meeting with a publishing society, where one of our speakers was late because, on top of being in the publishing industry, a lecturer and public speaker, she is also a priest. Late because she was a priest at Sunday morning mass. I think shes really cool. I’d like to be her when I’m grown up, despite the fact that I am grown up and not quite religious.
Discussed going on a nun retreat with The Roomates (3/5). In the same breath, we wanted to speak to the undead and explore the abandoned. If we got in touch with the undead or the Devil, I wonder if the nuns would help us. Claim we are on a spiritual journey of sorts. Not a complete lie. Mother hates liars.